I Think I'll Turn Grinch Instead

I love my husband, but at this time of year he makes me crazy. It's always the same thing. No matter what I get him, it will be the wrong thing.

I wind up spending all year trying to come up with ideas for him, but it never works and he won't give me any hints, either. Ask him what he wants and he'll just answer, "Oh, anything is fine."

Not really. Come Christmas morning he'll thank me very enthusiastically for whatever I've gotten him, and then the present will get put away forever, never to be used.

Sometimes it will be the right thing. Band of Brothers gets watched all the time. But it's rare that I actually hit the ball.

This year I am without ideas. Completely stuck. Christmas morning will be a strikeout, I just know it. Kind of takes the fun out of the season.

And stop that flow 1, 2, 3, 4, again!

I have a bad cold, which means I am coughing and sneezing every couple of minutes. And that means I am having to change my pants three or four times a day.

You ask why? You've never given birth, have you?

Normally it isn't a problem. I do my Kegels. I cross my legs tightly if I feel a bad coughing attack coming on. All that is not helping, this time. I'm practically choking, I'm coughing so hard and my poor pelvic floor just can't take the pressure.

I was complaining about this to my sister today, who has twice as many children as me. She admitted that it was so bad in her last pregnancy that one day she sneezed and completely lost control, voiding her bladder right there in public.

Must not be doing her Kegels.